Alright, where do I even start. There’s so much to say about this book.

I love how Sam and Sadie’s relationship is presented. A chance encounter as kids in a hospital, a childish fight that costs them six years of not speaking, working together as adults, falling out again, another silence, and then that gorgeous airport conversation at the end where they finally acknowledge what they actually are to each other - and the hope that they’ll keep making games together. The way Zevin conveys their feelings without ever spelling them out is masterful. Sadie clearly feels strongly about Sam too - she kept his map all those years. As a reader you’re left thinking, what if Sam had just had the courage to ask her out… But I am so glad they don’t end up together. That would have been such an unrealistic, goody-two-shoes ending and would have undermined everything the book builds. The tension in their relationship and how it evolves is the whole point. Even Sam’s reaction to finding out Sadie is doing community service is so relatable - I’ve held onto grudges for far longer than they warranted, and we all have.

The Sadie-Dov relationship was the most controversial topic in our book club. We all agreed Dov is a scumbag and a predator, but I personally think it’s wrong to place the entire blame on him. Sadie is an adult, and she chose to get into that relationship. Sure, her eyes were blinded by infatuation - it shows in how hard she tries to be exactly what Dov wants her to be, learning about wine, all of that - but she still has agency. The one real flaw I’d point to in the whole book is the BDSM/adult content of their relationship. I get what Zevin is going for - showing how dominant Dov is and how imbalanced the dynamic is - but there are subtler ways to convey that without pushing the book into adult territory.

And then there’s Solutions. What a concept for a game. So unique, so nihilistic, and the reveal that you’re working for a Nazi factory? Brilliant. It’s the kind of idea that makes you appreciate how Zevin treats games as art, not just plot devices.

Sam is the character I keep coming back to. His life is shaped by these weird, irrational choices that somehow work out. He picks video games over math, and it works. The foreshadowing around him is impeccable too - that internal monologue about not wanting Sadie and Marks to meet because he’s afraid they’d get along better and he’d become the third wheel? He’s exactly right. They do end up together. He does become the third wheel. And he handles it terribly - the drinking spree, insulting Marks, who has only ever been kind to him and helped him beyond what was required. You can feel Sam’s angst even as you watch him implode.

Sadie’s character development is just as well done - from a 20-year-old college kid making bad choices with Dov, to an adult in a healthy relationship with Marks. The section where her student asks her what made her go from Solutions to Ichigo, and she realises her three real motivations were: 1) prove she wasn’t admitted on the “girl curve”, 2) make Dov regret dumping her, and 3) make Sam realise how lucky he is to be working with her - that hit me hard. Insecurity, jealousy, resentment, pride. Negative emotions driving her forward, and it’s so relatable. The first time I lost almost 20kg of weight, it started entirely out of spite - wanting to show the kids who made fun of me that I could do it. Negative emotions can be powerful motivators, even if we don’t like to admit it. But she has her flaws too. There’s this chip on her shoulder about not getting enough credit for Ichigo, and she holds it against Sam, somewhat unfairly. She’s torn between wanting more credit and feeling like she isn’t a good enough spokesperson or interesting enough to be on stage - she convinces herself she doesn’t want the spotlight, but it’s clear she does. And it metastasises. She starts resenting Sam for getting the credit, and that’s where their relationship really begins to deteriorate. She just assumes Sam knew about her relationship with Dov because of some writing on a DeadSea CD, even though she never told him. And when you read Sam’s side, he’s so oblivious he doesn’t realise they’re involved even when they’re in the same room and Dov is being handsy - Marks literally has to spell it out for him. Sadie ends up assuming the worst of Sam without ever giving him the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, Sam pours himself into making an entire game just hoping Sadie will play it, and she doesn’t appreciate it - not even a little. To everyone else, even to Dov, it’s painfully obvious how much Sam cares about her. She just refuses to see it.

In book club we kept saying - one honest conversation between Sam and Sadie would resolve everything. But that’s the thing about life, isn’t it? It’s so easy to look at someone else’s relationship and tell them what they’re doing wrong, but we ourselves do the exact same thing. When have any of us handled conflict perfectly, instead of being defensive and quiet and sulky? We expect Sam and Sadie to do what we’ve never done ourselves. Sadie doesn’t realise Sam’s feelings because he doesn’t say “I love you” back. Sam just assumes it’s obvious. Neither of them wants to move to California, but they both do it because they think the other one wants to. Marks and Zoe see it immediately - that’s how the move actually happens - but Sam and Sadie themselves don’t. During Two Sides, Sadie assumes Sam is slacking off because he isn’t showing up to the office, and she has no idea he’s suffering from phantom pain and struggling badly. He’s doing his best but doesn’t want to look weak so he suffers in silence. He misses a dinner, and she immediately assumes there’s some hidden meaning behind it. It’s so disheartening to watch unfold.

And I haven’t even gotten to Marks properly. What a character. The impact of his death and how the others handle it stays with you. Sam calls him an NPC, but honestly, Marks is probably the character we’d all want to play as if this were a game instead of a book. He’s the kindest, most grounded person in the whole story. There’s still so much more I could say. That’s why I love this book so much. The ending - hopeful, but not a happily ever after - is the perfect note to end on.